hotel room ftw
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
