apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
