sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
