I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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