Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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