my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
