8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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