I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
