will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
