also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
