finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
