I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
