She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
