just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
