Yo dont text me then not text me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
