I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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