I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's shark week go big or go home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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