Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
