i think my mom watched the whole time
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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