you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
