This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
