I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
