Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
