yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
