What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
