if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
