I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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