I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Success! We fucked roommates!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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