Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
