feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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