I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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