your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
