Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
