now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
