Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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