guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
