Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
