That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
