I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
