its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
