Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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