im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
