our cab driver is having phone sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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