I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
