I am puke
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
