she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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