I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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