I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
