I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
