you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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