So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
