so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
