The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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