We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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