forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
