I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
