I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
