No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
