Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
